Our main domestic water pump has decided to cough and splutter its way into oblivion since Friday and until the spare parts turn up (ordered by the chandlery yesterday) there isn’t enough pressure for the shower, to the delight of Bog Watch! Fans…

There are two ‘public’ showers in the town, proper public ones situated behind the toilet block in the park just to the north of the pontoon, and the Dartmouth Yacht Club, just south along the water-front, which houses showers for the use of sailors, including visiting yachtsmen & women. The ‘showers not working’ sign had been removed from the ladies shower room so I thought it safe to assume they were repaired. After our experience of Torquay Harbour’s public showers I preferred to try the yacht club first.

Armed with a £1 coin (the cost of a 4.5 minute shower at the Yacht Club) I entered the unheated room and read the instructions….

• Get fully ready for your shower before putting your pound coin into the slot at the top of the box
• Make sure the shower is turned fully on before putting in your pound (etc)
• If the shower doesn’t work make sure again it is turned fully on before reporting it as not working as a male member of staff will come up to check and you don’t want to feel stupid (etc)
• Before putting in your pound, make sure the door to the shower is closed as if the water pours onto the floor outside the shower, it drips into the bar below, which will result in a male member of staff coming into the shower unbidden

There were more instructions, however you get the gist…. Doing as bid, I got towels out, clean clothes hung on the hooks inside one of the two small shower cubicles, shampoo & soap at the ready, made sure the taps were on, closed the shower door, got undressed, leant outside the cubicle to put my pound into the slot… and…. Nothing. No sound, no water, no nothing.

I got dressed and leaving everything in place went down to the bar to explain my predicament. It turned out I’d put the pound into the wrong box, and was given another pound from the till by the very nice lady. So again, got undressed, put pound in the other box and.…. Nothing. No sound, no water, no nothing.

I got dressed once more. I was given another pound and advised to use the men’s showers. Great! I thought, as I moved next door. Although they are far more spacious, they have curtains instead of doors, and no lock to the room. I wedged a chair against the door and proceeded with my ablutions, nervously listening out for the scrape of the ill-fitting barrier against the doorframe. 4.5 minutes is just enough for a shower and hair wash, including leaving the conditioner in for 30 seconds, so I was happy..ish, apart from the urinals, and the dirty floor, and bits of soap left on the slower floor, all indicating the facilities weren’t cleaned that often.

They get a 2 out of 5, which is 2 more than the ladies.

I apprehensively gave the mens another go on Monday morning however today decided to try the town public showers, as I’d spotted they were 20p to get in, though I suspected that once in it might be another £1 to get the hot water….

They were 20p. The door locked behind me and knowing the general public’s abhorrence for paying to use public facilities, I felt safe in the knowledge that only another shower user would fork out 20p to come in. There are three spacious and spotlessly clean shower cubicles with thick wooden doors, plenty of hooks for hanging your gear, and lashings of hot water. Hurrah.

They get my vote and a 4 out of 5.

Now where are those spare parts?